Chemo Round 5.

Christmas has come and gone without much ado.

I have been ill the last few days with a cold.
Unable to help much with the stress of today.
Full of guilt that the chemo may be cancelled.

Anne has just picked up Abbie and taken her off.
Blood tests in the morning and chemo in the afternoon.

What am I doing ?
Coughing my guts up trying to smoke a fag.

Laughable - if it wasnt so painful.

Late Morning.

CB750 And Ice.

Paul was late in this morning.
He was riding on my CB 750, which I have started riding as my winter hack.
As he turned the corner, I knew there was a problem.

He had hit ice in camden and went down the road.
Luckily, he was ok and the bike, too.
A used footpeg and all was well.

Both rider and bike hard as nails.
Yahoo.

(DONT do it again - either of you)

The Days After Chemo - Round 4

Last weeks chemo appeared to have little side effects.
The weekend was spent with little vomiting and tiredness.

She has cracked it we both thought - yahoo.

Yesterday and especially today has been the nightmare.
Retching and constipation have nearly crippled her.

I returned to london yesterday.
So now feel completely helpless.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, lady.

Just returned from spending the weekend with Abbie.

She spent a couple of nights at her friends in the week,
allowing herself to be waited on - nice one, lady.

Now, she is starting to worry about the pounds she is putting on.

Ah people.

Get well then diet.
Problem ?!

Chemo Trip 2.

Abbie has had her second lot of chemotherapy.

She sounded tired and depressed on the phone.
The anticipation of the nausea overshadows all.

For the next few days her white blood cell count falls dangerously low.
Risk of infection is high.

Five more months of this !
Jesus.

3/4 Reasons To Hate Car Drivers.

My first two customers, this morning, were riders who had been hit by car drivers.
Both were shaken but not hurt.

One bike had only minor damage, the other, written off for insurance purposes.

What made it worse was the driver who had smashed into the bike had given false contact details !
Luckily, the rider had the good sense to make a note of the registration.

Just before lunch, a friend turned up after just being rammed from behind by a car.
With both bike and rider on the ground, the car reversed to untangle the bike, then rode around him and away !

After lunch, I got a call from another rider.
Her bike had been driven into and knocked over.
She had parked it up when visiting a friend.
A note had been left apologising for the damage and contact details - not false.

A strange day.
Made worse for me, as an observer, to note that only one person out of four had taken responsibility for their expensive and dangerous mistakes.

Car drivers - I hate them.

Dumping In Our Hospitals.

Whilst visiting a friend in hospital, I noticed a commode by a bed.
The nurse was pulling the screen across to give the elderly woman privacy.

The ward had 3 other beds - all female patients.
4 metres across the room a door led to the 'Patient's Toilets'.

I wondered if the lady couldnt manage the toilet and preferred the commode.
For a moment.

The room filled with the smell of defecation (such a great word).

Hold on.
My partner is recovering from surgery as are the others, im presuming.
Molecules of shit floating round the room !
Just as important, the feelings of the people using the commodes.

I understand that for many patients toileting is an issue.
Pissing behind a screen ?
Not a problem.

When it comes to shitting, perhaps we should spend the time to get patients to the toilets.
It has to be better for hygiene and dignity.

Motorcycle Parking Charges Bring London's Bikers To Westminster.

Westminster City Council failing to respond to the traffic congestion and penalising the solution.
Listen to the people.

Yellow Pages Rip Off.

We have been paying for advertising with Yellow Pages for years.
No more.
Why ??

Their distribution system lacks something !!

Watching You.

Watching you at all times.

Not Forgetting The Past.

Letting go of the past.
Such any easy thing to write, say or do !
Not.

Our past defines us.

Where we come from.
Our actions in any given situation.
All experiences which shape us,
make us or break us.

Letting go of the past ?
More like embracing and integrating it.
We are our past.
Deal with it.

Alison Gelfand, Merrick And Adam Fairclough, UEA. I Mean You.

After my ex-partner died, her family went to Court and lied and whined to the Judge.
The result was the turning over of MY child to uncaring, unfeeling bastards.
(My thanks to our legal system which appears to support wealthy scum over ordinary people)

Sadly, Adam Fairclough, Professor of American History at UEA, Norwich, felt he couldnt cope with a child who had just lost her mother and shipped her off to his sister in the States.

Alison Gelfand, of Merrick, New York, didnt want to cope and packed her off to Boarding school in New York.
No thought of what this would do to the child in their care.

Do you truly believe that Siabreen would have wanted you to give up on our child ?
If you didnt want her why did you go to Court ?
Why couldnt you have got in touch with me and we could have acted together for Grace's sake ?
Like any family would !

Unthinking, unfeeling wankers.
You have a lot to answer for.

G20 Police Medic Batters Crowd.

What the fuck ?

What Breaks Hearts ?

This weekend, I have been remembering peoples concern and support for me after my heart attacks.Last weekends visit to Telford plugged me in to the fragility of life and my need to make changes to my own.

The urgent, physical needs; diet, smoking and a regular sleep pattern have been addressed.
(ok, the fags have slipped, but I have pegged them to 5 - their I draw the line)
I continue the prescribed medication - the beta blockers, the statins, the aspirin, the super aspirin, blah blah.
Life is different and I am adapting.

So why did my heart attack me ?
Is all the change I have made of any consequence ?

For nearly 20 years, I have been aware of the power of thought.
Dis-ease in the mind creates disease in the body.
Thought IS creative.
Positive thoughts - positive, happy people.
Negative thoughts - negative, miserable people.

One member of the family called the attacks - karma.
(I am aware that I am loved and hated)

It isn't karma.
12 years ago, my heart was broken when I left my daughter.
For twelve years, I have hoped for reconciliation and my daughter back.
People have gone to Court and even under oath, lied or repeated the lies of others.
Heartbreaking !

12 years of a broken family using a broken legal system to keep a father and daughter apart.
Heartbreaking !

Unbreaking my heart.
Now that is the goal.
And how do I do that ?
By letting go of the past and with it my daughter ?

Heartbreaking !

4X4 - Registration Number - EF05 GXE.

The female driver of a 4x4, registration EF05 GXE, reversed into a customers bike last night, knocking it over.

Then drove away.

She even had children in the back seat, shamefully giving them the impression that it is ok to ignore criminal damage.

Anyone with information about the car please email me.
(Hammersmith area)

Thank you.

How Ian Tomlinson Died !

Blair Peach.
Liddle Towers et al.

The Police !!

Freeing Child Abusers.

An article from Thursdays Sun, reports that 229 child abusers were let off with a caution, in a three year period, between 2004 and 2007.

Ronald Boothby, a 57 year old, from Blackburn, had been convicted of assaulting a girl in 1980.

Earlier, this year, Boothby was given a years prison sentence,by Burnley Crown Court,for assaulting a 12 year old girl, with learning difficulties.
Suspended for two years !!

Eric Cole, 71, from Bedford, had been jailed for 15 months, in 1998, for abusing a 12 year old girl.
In 2006, he was arrested for molesting a 6 year old girl.

Cole pleaded guilty at Oxford Crown Court, but Judge Julian Hall suspended his nine month jail term and put him on a Sex Offenders Programme.

Judge Hall ordered Cole to pay £250 to his victim, so she could buy 'a nice new bicycle that might cheer her up'.

For fucks sake !

Spy In The Classroom.

Daddy dropped an elephant on my head',

An innocent saying from a small child, in school.
Not any more.

Comments like this are now recorded in the school's Child Protection Book, without your or your childs knowledge.

Who has access to this information ??
Schools.
Social Services.
Local and County Councils.
Police.

Educating our children is no longer the priority it once was.

Something is VERY wrong !!

The Result Of Our Creation.

Well done to Alison Gelfand, of Merrick, New York.
Also Professor Adam Fairclough, UEA, Norwich.

Others worth a mention, Gary Seaman, Melfyn Summers, Marion Wills.
There are many others of note, but eh ?
You all know who you are.

Look at our creation(s).

A broken child, kicking out in pain, seduced by promises of pink cars and coloured mobile phones, all wrapped in pretty bows.

I acknowledge my part but stand in awe of the contributions you have all made.

You must be so proud !

What Will I Be In 2013 ?

2012.
Like many people, I have hope of a major shift for people.

Spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
A beginning, not an end.

The lion lie down with the lamb ?

And, in 2013, I will be..?

Text, Pictures Or Video ?

I have been thinking about my blogs this last period.

My reasons for beginning and my uses for them now.

The first blogs were pain filled and bilious.
So my healing process began.
I moved through my grief and anger and began to simply relate my story.

Was it ever my intention to embarrass ?
Oh yes.
(Most of those posts/blogs I have now deleted)

I am guilty, also, of shaming people and organisations.
(Easily sorted - dont shit in front of me)

Nowadays, I use them as a diary.
Small pointers to help maintain my memory.

I am now thinking VIDEO.

Three years behind.

Happy Birthday, Angel Po.

Happy Birthday, Angel Po.

May you always have what you need.

Your Love Is Worth Pants, Lynn.

LOVE.

Small word big meaning.

We love and are loved.
Passionate and demanding.
Innocent and childlike.

Love, not money, makes the world go round.

I love you !
Three little words.
One huge meaning.

Love, sadly, is now treated as a commodity - conditional.
'Course I love you, now what do I get..?'

Worse than this, products of love are treated as weapons.
Children treated as big sticks.

Adam Fairclough, UEA.
Alison Gelfand, Merrick, New York.
Lynn Turner.
And all the other ABUSERS.

Stop using children as weapons.

Turner Shame.

People Who Know Nothing.

What a shit night.
No sleep and a head full of sad memories.

An old friend commented on one of my blogs last year
and asked me to get in touch.
Because I hadnt heard anything for a few weeks I posted on her Facebook page.

She answered straight away,
leaving me in no doubt that Lynn was NOT my friend.
It appears I was to get in touch only for her to kick off at me.

Just to respond to a couple of points you made, Lynn.

Firstly, Siabreen's brother, Adam Fairclough, though an author and professor of American history at the UEA, Norwich is a liar.
Any information from him will be corrupted.

Did he tell you that Grace and I was in communication and Siabreen was in favour of our contact when she died ?

Did Adam Fairclough, UEA, tell you it was Grace who contacted me to tell me of Siabreen's death ?

Did he tell you that Gary Seaman, and the rest of the family snatched the phone away from her when we were talking.
(The last thing I heard was her weeping and telling me she was scared)

Did Adam Fairclough,uea, tell you he has a gagging order on me ?

Did Siabreen tell you that when going to Court many years back, she threatened to tell the police I had raped her ?
I can hear her voice, even now.

Lynn -You know NOTHING.

Finally, its cold enough for Husky Dogs.

Estate Agents In Woking, Surrey.

Last year, my partner handed over a months deposit (£1,090) to Leaders Estate Agents in Woking, Surrey, for a flat managed by them.

On January 2nd, she left the flat to rent another property managed by them.
Leaders Estate Agents have still not returned her money.

Estate Agents are ALL liars and thieves.

Militant Tendency. Obituary - Ted Grant.

Obituary

Ted Grant

Trotskyite behind the Militant Tendency's infiltration of the Labour party

* Bob Wade
* The Guardian, Thursday 27 July 2006
* Article history

Ted Grant, who has died aged 93, was a Trotskyite revolutionary who, although born in South Africa, spent most of his life in Britain. He founded and became the leading force in the political group Militant Tendency, which was active within the Labour party until the Labour leader, Neil Kinnock, took it on at grassroots level in a speech to the party conference in 1985 in an attempt to make the party electable.

Only his family and a selected few will ever know Grant's real name. Even in his autobiography he is referred to as Isaac "Blank". He said this was to protect his family, understandable when entering revolutionary politics in the 1930s as the fascist tyrannies swept Europe. But it was a secret he kept all his life.

Born in the South African town of Germinston to a Russian father and a Parisian mother, he completed his political development after his parents divorced. His mother took in lodgers, including Ralph Lee, a founder of the South African Communist party, who was expelled for his support for Trotsky's Left Opposition. Lee formed a new grouping that included the 15-year-old Isaac and his sister, Zena.

But revolutionary expectations were limited in this colonial backwater, and the South Africans recognised that their talents could be better used in Europe.

The first to go in 1934 were Isaac and fellow Jewish revolutionary Max Basch. As the only passage they could secure was on a German-owned ship, they took the wise precaution of anglicising their names and documents - to Ted Grant and Sid Frost respectively, names "borrowed" from two of the ship's crew. On arrival in Paris, Grant met Leon Sedov, the son of Leon Trotsky. It was explained that the new Trotskyist movement was well served on the Continent, and the young South Africans would be of more use in Britain.

In London, Grant was joined by Lee and a small band of South African émigrés, but they had little time for the discussion-circle embryo of British Trotskyism, which Grant despaired of as "your typical Bloomsbury bohemians".

Subsequently expelled from the "official" British section of Trotsky's new Fourth International, Lee and Grant formed the Workers International League. They were joined by two former Communist party members and capable organisers, Jock Haston and Gerry Healy. As the second world war erupted, the WIL began to make some headway, particularly after the Communist party became the most fervent supporters of the Churchill coalition government on the shopfloor, in their bid to secure the "Second Front".

Although never numbering more than several hundred, the WIL nonetheless notched up some notable successes during the war years, including widespread support among the 8th Army in North Africa and effectively taking control of the Royal Ordnance Factory in Nottingham, where production became the highest of all ROF plants.

Yet Healy, with the backing of James Cannon, who was now in control of the Fourth International following Trotsky's assassination in 1940, continually manoeuvred against Grant to gain control of the organisation. It was a feud of Albanian proportions that would continue throughout their lives - as late as the 1970s, when both were in their sixties, if ever they met by chance at labour movement events they would still square up to each other, only to be pulled apart by their respective minders.

The Fourth International eventually cajoled the WIL into "reunification" with the failed "official" British section, to form the Revolutionary Communist party. The RCP was a shooting star that soon spluttered when the end of the war saw not a 1917-style revolution, as Trotsky had predicted, but a weary world settling down to the new consumer benefits of a protracted capitalist boom.

Grant and Haston were the first in the Fourth International to expand upon the prognosis being put forward by the dissident American Trotskyite Max Schachtman, that far from Western capitalism and the Soviet Union being weakened by war, thus paving the way for revolution, both had been immen-sely strengthened and a capitalist boom was on its way. There were hard times ahead for revolutionaries.

The Fourth International was aghast at such heresy, and gave the green light for Healy to purge the British organisation. Grant was kicked out after refusing to support the expulsion of Tony Cliff, later founder of the Socialist Workers Party. After a brief period working as a door-to-door salesman, and then as a switchboard operator - where by all accounts he spent all his time phoning his far flung points of support to build a new organisation - Grant rejoined his old comrades Jimmy Deane and Sam Bornstein to begin rebuilding an organisation out of the ashes.

By the late 1950s a new group had been painstakingly rebuilt, with its main points of support in London and Liverpool. An important acquisition was made in 1960 - Peter Taaffe, who proved to be the organisational gravy to Grant's theoretical meat. The Militant Tendency was born.

Of the three main strands of British Trotskyism that resulted from the RCP (Healy's Workers Revolutionary Party, Cliff's SWP and Grant's Militant Tendency), Grant kept his small force tied to the "entryist" tactic of staying inside the Labour party, while all the others bailed out during the student protests of the 1960s. By the 1970s this began to pay dividends. Within a decade the Militant Tendency was a household name, with 8,000 members, three MPs, a seat on the TUC, control of Labour's youth section, effective control of Liverpool council and more full-time organisers than the Labour party.

But revolutions often eat their own fathers. Despite the expulsion of Grant and four other key members from the Labour party in 1983, the Militant Tendency bounced back with a successful campaign against the poll tax. This created the illusion for the Taaffe-led organisation that activism was all.

Grant, meanwhile, was beginning to see the writing on the wall from the Soviet Union, in that there would not be a "political revolution" as he had previously predicted following the collapse of Stalinism, but instead a triumphant West and an ideological counter-revolution. It was going to be hard times again.

Once more he was expelled, this time by the Militant Tendency he had created. He took 200 members with him to form the "Socialist Appeal" group (the name of the original WIL paper), cheerfully explaining that: "Well, that is the best split I've ever been through!" After his expulsion, Militant soon split into several warring factions. While his group stumbles along in the UK, inter-nationally Grant has begotten several organisations that today are creating a similar impact to that of the Militant Tendency in Britain in the 1980s, notably in Pakistan and Latin America.

Grant was not the easiest of people to work with. During his RCP days, his exasperated comrades famously locked him in his room, refusing to let him out until he had written a promised article, only to discover he had escaped out of the window to go to the cinema.

But he was not the mindless automaton derided by the tabloid media in the 1980s. He liked to bet on the horses, loved cowboy films and had an infectious laughter. He clearly had had his loves too, and late into his life old female revolutionaries from the US and France often asked after him.

Grant remained active until three years ago, when he suffered a stroke while speaking at a meeting in London. He leaves no family, following the death of his eldest sister, Rae, in Paris last year.

· Ted Grant, founder of the Militant Tendency, born July 16 1913; died July 20 2006

Grace May Nelson

Grace May Fairclough.

Happy Birthday, Grace.
Always in my thoughts.

Dad x

Whats In A Name ?

Re Norwich Union's change of name to Aviva.
Tis a well known fact that criminals use deception and aliases to con people.

Norwich Union stopped good business practice nearly a decade ago.
Their greed and need to appease shareholders has cost them dear.
They hope that a change of name will mean a change of fortune.

Let us hope not.