On Tuesday, I discovered where my ex partner, Siabreen, is buried.
The knowledge has caused turmoil with my emotions; also with my body.
The glands of my groin are swollen and sometimes painful.
My thoughts are full of bile, then swing to our LOVE remembered.
It has been an amazing roller-coaster of rediscovered (suppressed) memories and feelings, beautiful, sad and sometimes hateful.
When she first died, I had the thought of desecrating the grave. Payback for the things she had said and done.
My anger was very strong, July 2004.
Now,it is different. I AM different.
It is my intention to visit her grave tomorrow (saturday).
I can feel the sadness welling up even now.
What will I do ?
Cry like a baby.
Shout at her and God.
My prayer is that I FORGIVE her completely
and am finally able to release her.
A conclusion to our most amazing journey together, which started 18 years ago.
Producing our daughter, Grace, as proof that fear and medical conditions need not stand in the way of dreams !
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